Being Assertive in the Workplace
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Every day we are provided with opportunities to be assertive. Every day we choose a response which makes us feel comfortable - usually the same type of choice we have made for many years.
Habits are formed from an early age in relation to the way we approach conflict. Many of the techniques that keep us in our comfort zone are not assertive. For example, avoiding the issue or conflict altogether; giving in to someone stronger or more vocal to 'keep the peace' or jumping down someone's throat to scare them away are all strategies more commonly used.
These habits like any other habit, are hard to break. They are ingrained ways of operating and we reinforce them daily through our though patterns at each moment of perceived or actual conflict.
- "If I say something, they'll think i'm whining."
- "I don't dare speak up in case I look like an idiot."
- "I can't ask for anything more, I'll look greedy and then they won't like me."
- "I don't care what anyone else wants, I'll take all I can get."
- "This mob are so spineless that I'll make sure they do what I want."
All these messages are either from a submissive or aggressive stand point. An assertive response is neither of these. Assertiveness sits somewhere in the middle and provides a balanced and respectful way of working with others. Assertive thought patterns include:
- "I work hard and I deserve to be part of this celebration. I'm going to ask to be included even though I was overlooked in the invitations."
- "My work is important to me and I enjoy my job. I'm going to request that I get more responsibility in the assignments given to me so that I can prove to my boss I can do it."
- "I know that Helen and I don't get on, but it's important that we fix the problem. I'm going to tell her how I feel about the situation and ask her to sit down with me to work out a resolution."
Giving yourself assertive thoughts strengthens your confidence in carrying out the assertive message. Weak thoughts = weak actions. But to be assertive, you have to know what you want from a situation. You must be aware of your needs and believe that you have a right to ask for things that will enhance your satisfaction with life. If done in a respectful and engaging way with another person, the likelihood of having a discussion to achieve a better outcome is high.
In other words, if you don't try you will never know! Assertive messages are all about engaging the other person in a relationship with you over this issue. You want to keep them onside and you do this by respecting that they have needs and rights in this situation too. So listening to what they have to say, even if it might sound defensive, is critical. Respond by acknowledging what they have said and how they feel and then ask assertively for what you want again, but be willing to change the message to accommodate their suggestions.
If you would like to know more about assertiveness, you can read the article in the Knowledge Centre "Being Assertive Not Aggressive" or refer to the PowerPoints below from a recent workshop.
Warm wishes
Irene
